So, winter is here. At least, it feels like it’s here.
This morning it’s a chilly -4˚c (that’s 25˚F) and the grass is covered in frost.
I don’t mind so much. I actually enjoy these Saturday mornings. Lazy and curled up in bed with my girls. Just a little longer. Lingering under the warm covers and talking about the day to come, avoiding the chill. But when you jump up and start moving it’s refreshing and it makes me want to get things done.
Carpe Diem darlings. Carpe Diem!
~C
Eyes by isobelfunk on Society6
My eyes are really bugging me today, actually to the point where I have planted my fingers on the home keys…. and am typing this with my eyes closed.
How bad did I do?
Ever done something like this? I have a really hard time staying out of my head sometimes. Like this one time, I was driving and I thought, “What if a truck/car – t-boned me and I needed to tie a tourniquet around my leg to keep from bleeding out?” and then I looked around for what i could use for my sly, death defying tie-off.
“Ah Ha! Two socks!”
And they were serious socks. Not those short ones you wear playing baseball. Trouser socks, on the floor where I’d thrown them after my shift. So there I was careening down the highway trying to tie two socks together so I could tie them around my thigh just to see if I could do it.
The car swerved and I panicked.
Decided, I probably wouldn’t get hit by a truck/car if I wasn’t trying to tie a sock tourniquet around my thigh in the FIRST place like I was in some weird, psychotic cause and effect movie plot.
Still have my eyes closed. I think I’ll go back and spell check that random free flow thought. I’m sure I’m missing A LOT of commas!
I have my first aid certificate. I’m a first aider.
Just so you know.
I don’t like pyramid schemes… but I always thought the Pay It Forward formula was some snappy thinking.
Today we went down to Osborne village and returned some movies we rented and had some food.
I paid for 5 hours of parking with my card. It was bright and I couldn’t really see what it said. I was struggling to do the 24 hour clock time conversion, but I was also thinking about something else. Something I actually think about every time we’ve pulled into that little parking area with the paid meter tickets.
I think of when we went down there a few weeks ago and a total stranger came up to us and gave us her paid parking stub. Saying we should use it, It still had 3 hours and she had to go. We thanked her and it’s been sitting in the back of my mind ever since. So today I thought, I’ll put a little extra on it and hopefully we could find someone to give our stub to.
Carolyn approached the man. He didn’t want to make eye contact at first. She said she thought she scared him as she was trying to get his attention. He was standing at the machine getting ready to buy time. When she got in the truck she had a big, huge smile on her face and said that she had been thinking of the lady who’d given us the ticket too. It felt good to “pay it forward”. Radient and beaming, that’s how she looked. She looked happy.
I’ve read about people who walk around downtown with change in their pockets paying the meters that are expired, obviously this doesn’t work anymore in a lot of places in Winnipeg because the meters are all stubs you have to pay and put in your car. But maybe by reading this, someone will feel inclined to do a good deed too.
I’m not so religious anymore. I was once, but I still hold to the idea that we (collectively as human beings) would be less inclined to cruelty and apathy towards one another if we practiced being kind. Looked each other in the eye. Looked out for one another. If we practiced caring.
It feels good, to make other people feel good. It just does.
I’ve never felt good about flipping someone off in traffic, or yelling a another person in anger – usually it leaves me feeling worse then I did before the interaction. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve totally done both. I just didn’t feel any relief after.
I want to feel at peace about my interactions with other people so today, was pretty much a totally awesome day.
I wonder if that man will do the same one day and pay his good fortune forward.
Ever really read the lyrics to that song?
“Hot town, summer in the city
Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty
Been down, isn’t it a pity
Doesn’t seem to be a shadow in the city
All around, people looking half dead
Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head”
HOTTER THAN A MATCH HEAD!
This song rocks!
So, anyway – going for a tattoo touchup in about 1/2 an hour. Getting my birds and words tweeked. What is this relavent to? I haven’t a clue!
I have had a fever on and off all day so I’ve had some pretty profound thoughts as you would imagine – and yet I can’t remember a single one of them. This is where journaling would be pretty handy and amazing. I really admire people who can sit down and jot out their thoughts onto paper… I tend to just vomit stuff into the internet and wave goodbye to it after I hit send. I think it’s important to remember – and especially remember when you are happy.
Write it down.
Tell yourself why!
Right now, I’m happy because I’m going to get my touch ups done. I’m happy because the fencing guys who tore down the neighbours fence next door (and my little fence in the process) put it back up. I’m happy because not only have two people given my lawnmowers (both of which failed) yet ANOTHER person has said I could have theirs! – Either this is a miracle or I am the dump for broken down mowers. I’m leaning towards miracle!
I’m happy because this will pretty much be the happiest summer (of many) of my life. I can’t really ask for more because I feel like I’ve really gotten a lot of great gifts in my life this year despite so bad. I’m not focusing on that part – I’m writing down good stuff. So I remember. I like yard work! (no, it’s not the fever!) I like that feeling of dirty gritty that comes from mowing and making the yard look nice. I love to watch my plants grow and revel in the realization that it is in fact I, ME – who has managed to keep them alive and flowering! This is really big – take my word for it.
Well – I gotta run and get tattoo’ed.
I hope you take a moment today to write down – anywhere, in you’re heart, journal, a piece of paper or envelope (my grandmother used to do that lol) and remember why you are happy today.
Oh yeah, and I DO beliebe in magic!
C
English: Trade ad for The Lovin’ Spoonful single “Do You Believe in Magic”. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I have had a lovely weekend – I did the yard work, did the dishes and the laundry – Made a freakin’ QUICHE of all things!
Visited with my cousin and 2/3 of her kids… got a free comic book on May 5th (Free Comic Book Day!), and slept in today.
It’s been a great weekend.
So why am I feeling a little low in the saddle today?
Maybe it’s because tomorrow is Monday – but by all accounts I’m excited to get this week over with. I’m ready for it to be June and for summer to be in full swing! Pride is coming – (May 25 – June 3rd) and I just read The Cliks (current version) will be headlining. That’s good right?
I have a lot of wants right now and I’m doing a lot of waiting – which, is basically what life is all about I guess. One day at a time. Just need to be grateful for what you have right? Otherwise what good would dreaming do? Which reminds me I need to check my lotto ticket.
I recently started playing WoW again ~ insert laughter, jokes or applause here ~ The only thing I really don’t enjoy about raiding is the late night. It’s hard on me and makes me tired Tuesdays. But I love a group fight — taking down a boss as a team. Having comrades in a common goal. It’s fun, and it’s nice to be part of a group… even if I’m not leaving my house. Because – it is lonely in here all by myself. I miss being with people and that’s something I don’t get anymore. I distanced myself from a lot of people in order to find myself. Now, I’m ready again to be part of society in some capacity and… everyone has moved along with life. Don’t feel bad for me – I’m not complaining about being isolated or left behind. I wouldn’t change a thing that’s happened in the past five years. Too many wonderful things have come to me on my journey “out” into the light. I am right where I’m supposed to be – I just wish there were other people right here with me at this very moment. I’m giving them time, till then – I’ll get a glass of water and read the menu and plan my evening and what I’m going to wear to Pride this year. Eventually someone will call or wander by and they will be in the right place at exactly the right time. I guarantee it. I’m gonna try and plan to have some stuff ready for Pride next year – maybe a booth! I’m dreaming big…
The Kills – Wait
Lovers In A Dangerous Time ~ Bruce Cockburn ~ 1983
“Don’t the hours grow shorter as the days go by
You never get to stop and open your eyes
One day you’re waiting for the sky to fall
The next you’re dazzled by the beauty of it all
When you’re lovers in a dangerous time“
I am so over the top excited about my new surroundings/home… and yet, so overwhelmed by them.
I feel buried under a thousand things to do. The yard needs raking – there are rocks everywhere. The house is in total disarray and even though I WANT to sort it, it’s beyond my skill set. I feel like drawing and yet, I can’t find a place to put a pen. I want to explore and build a beautiful space outside, but I don’t know where to start. I can see the potencial for so much good, happiness, peace and beauty to surround my life. But it’s not quite my season, so I made a little nest and I’m perched in it. Waiting.
“These fragile bodies of touch and taste
This vibrant skin — this hair like lace
Spirits open to the thrust of grace
Never a breath you can afford to waste
When you’re lovers in a dangerous time”
I have been feeling pretty good lately. (*crossed fingers) No bad health episodes, nothing that makes me feel like I’m going to break down again and end up back at square one in the hospital eating broth and jello again. But all it’s taken to make me slip a little in the wrong direction is wanting give into my own weak impulses and laziness.
I hate this balancing act. It still feels like a balancing act. I just want to rest the burden. I guess that’s the word ~ it feels like a burden, It’s a daily struggle.
“But nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight —
Got to kick at the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight
When you’re lovers in a dangerous time”
And so I go back to my vision of future potencial while I kick at the darkness.
I have something worth having.
I have always loved this song.
Kenyon Cox, Nude study, 1896, Kenyon Cox was a strong advocate of figurative art. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
… may presage SEX AND ROMANCE (woo… hoo?)
SAGITTARIUS (April Horoscope 2012 via. Patrice Kamins, Velvetpark)
A dynamic partnership is on offer but you needed the last few weeks to get your literal and figurative home in order. This presages a long-term cycle around sex and romance. You have been hard at work developing a marketable skill set and now you are seeing the results of your endeavors. A highly-placed individual may be on hand to assist you to the next level. This month you will be in high demand so be discriminating in the offers you choose to accept. Meanwhile, take care of the beautiful body of yours and enjoy the benefits of rest and relaxation.
Man did Patrice say a mouthful about my literal and figurative home. I’m typing this from behind a stack of boxes and gingerly piled nicknacks and paper. I’ve just moved into a house – the sound of the dryer tumbling drifts up from the basement and every now and then I can hear a car in the distance. I’ve actually made a lot of progress in unpacking. I might need an organizational consult though. Ha!
It’s nice. In a nice neighbourhood. Lots of dogs and people… walking dogs.
And it’s really nice not to live in the path of the airport anymore! I certainly don’t miss that! But, I do kind of miss hermit aspect of apartment living and the fact that I never (if rarely) met my neighbours in the halls.
Deep down inside I want to be one of those people who is all buddy buddy with their neighbours, but I’m just not that person right now. It’s horrible to say it but I genuinely have to make an effort to smile and make eye contact. I nodded today. Maybe it’s from living in an apartment – where my comings and goings were not monitored or noticed for the most part. I could literally go a month and not see another person. Here, people loiter in their driveways and yell “Hi!” across the road. It feels so… weird.
Weird, like the word presages…
“This presages a long-term cycle around sex and romance.”
WHAT does THAT mean! I went thru a cycle of excitement, panic, minor palm sweats and depression in a matter of 3 seconds!
~sigh~
Well. I just wanted you all to know I moved, I’m here – I’m doing laundry and planning my garden and a garage sale for the summer.
Nod. Smile. Hi neighbour…
I have been dismantling my surroundings in preparation to move. I hate moving. Actually I hate change. I don’t mind moving – I just hate change.
Why does it have to be so hard?
Things do not change; we change. ~Henry David Thoreau
Thanks Henry…
So it’s true, my things are only changing location and not what they are. But what they do… organized and arranged around me is simply to provide a familiar space. “My” space – which will soon no longer just be mine.
Things are changing for the better so I accept that with this hard adjustment to new surroundings, there will come new comforts and new familiarity. I’ll adjust. I’ll adapt. I’ll change.
Today I was handed a project that has me a little at odds.
You see, I work for an organization that has not been a historically great nor grand supporter of ‘The Gays‘.
This is not a particularly worrisome thing for me as I live in Canada and they are legally required to respect my rights and honor my benefits. They are not allowed to fire me because of my orientation or treat me like a second class citizen. But this doesn’t mean I am not acutely aware that they are not so mindful of the rights of others in countries where LGBTQ rights are not as protected as where I live. In fact – they are outspoken and active in trying to spread their beliefs that those rights shouldn’t ever come to pass in places like the U.S.
The project – is one on Dignity. It involves decorating an object (I’m being purposely vage here) and will be displayed at the main office(s) around the world as a discussion point on Dignity.
I work with mentally disabled adults at a day program. The organization I work for has extended their project and asked that our branch of services extend this opportunity to our clients as a way for them to express how they feel about dignity – and how it pertains to them in their lives. I can’t quote verbatim their memorandum of expectations. Sufficient to say that they asked that course language and vulgar imagery be excluded from the artistic expressions.
Being someone who is an out member of a group, who have not had respect or inclusion offered except grudgingly from legal obligation… I Don’t feel that Dignity and my employer – are synonymous. I am quite flabbergasted at the arrogance that they are displaying in regards to discussing dignity at all – and not surprised at the strict guidelines required in regards to the artistic expression of people who want to talk about their own personal struggle for dignity.
Yes yes, we know you’re gay – do you have to be so… you know… expressive about it.
IF this was a personal discussion about my dignity – as a woman and from the perspective of a queer artist… I’d have to say I’d start with the history of woman and the struggle for equal rights which is still ongoing. Written in script across the entire piece. Tiny – so I could fit it all.
1916: Canadian women in Alberta, Manitoba and Saskatchewan get the vote.
1918: Canada gives women the vote in most provinces by federal law. Quebec is not included.
1929: Women found to be “persons” in Canada and therefore able to become members of the Senate. (My grandmother was 2 when she became a person.)
1940: Women of Quebec are granted voting rights.
What kind of words do those last four paragraphs bring to the forefront of my mind? ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
On July 20, 2005, Canada became the fourth country in the world and the first country in the Americas to legalize same-sex marriage nationwide with the enactment of the Civil Marriage Act which provided a gender-neutral marriage definition. (via Wikipedia)
Which means – I was 31 when it became possible for me to marry the person I love. But this leap and bound in civil rights, between my grandmother becoming a person to my right to marry the person I love – took 83 years.
Does that bring to mind any course language? I feel like the dignity of women – gay and straight has been an exhaustingly long and hard fight and it’s still going on to this day.
I’d dip the bottom of my art piece in blood red paint, and I’d make damn sure I’d leave space to mention how a fat old republican managed to lump my gender into a neat little box and label it whore not too many moons ago.
No explicit language. Nothing corse, or lude or vulgar….
I didn’t think that I would!
So I’ve been eating non-gluten-esk (which means I’ve been sneaking the odd piece of bread here and there).
EEEeee contraban!
But I feel good! I also try to drink 4 liters of water a day which I am told will keep me young, flexible and disease (mostly free).
Funny how I resisted my own body’s directions/hints/blatant cries for help, I feel pretty darn amazing and I SEEM to be fighting off a cold! The lazy me is missing my easy to heat, pre-made fare of crap but the happy healthy me is enjoying feeling like I’m filling my measure. I feel like my body is fitting me. I feel GOOD!
Seriously, I feel really good. I might even get back to drawing soon. THAT’S how good I feel.
Hope the rest of the week is more of the same.
punchpixel 
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